Avoid Age Inappropriate Affairs In Cincy And Stick With Votto Erotica
Yesterday, Joey Votto went 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 30th homer as he hits .314 with a .438 OBP. Not only is Votto hitting for a high average, but he's also hitting for power, and, you kinda...
View ArticleMets Hope The Bruce/Smith Swap At Least Helps On The Defensive End
The Mets continue to move towards the future, promoting their top first base prospect, Dominic Smith. They are cautiously optimistic. Adverbly restrained because the last time they were unbridled in...
View ArticleSafari So Good For Nat Gio
Allow me to paint a visual metaphor. A vetaphor. The entire league's pitching is cornered on the grounds of a wildlife preserve. A tiger, we'll call him Blister, stalks towards the league's...
View ArticleFanDuel: Lamet It Be
Hi, do you have a second to talk about Dinelson Lamet? Seven innings pitched and seven strikeouts last night, what da f? He's gangbusters when he wants to be, then he leaves us hanging with a multi...
View ArticleFantasyDraft: I Dream of Biagini
There's nothing more random than September baseball. It's a time where you throw season stats out the window and ride the hot bat or hot hand. The mystery of a new guy can throw the league off for a...
View ArticleGausman Turns Boston Bats Into Baked Beans
Who loves irony? Did you just answer your mom? I said irony, not ironing. As the British will tell you, irony is not a well-pressed shirt. Though, now that I think about it, if I had a well-pressed...
View ArticleChris Sale’s Version Of 300 More Homoerotic Than The Movie
You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer? Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball? Maybe we think about sex. This is a...
View ArticleWhat Do Ynoa – Another Ex-Met Pitcher Does Well
Yesterday, Gabriel Ynoa threw a gem, 8 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.41 in just under 32 IP. His name is pronounced EE-know-a. As they say, the more you EE-know-a. Ynoa was only at 94...
View ArticleBuy Hunter? Renfroe Sho!
When Hunter Renfroe was demoted two months ago, he had to ask himself, "Did I just lose my job to Jabari?" Since he was holding down his soon-to-be-extinct home button on his iPhone, Siri responded,...
View ArticleFanDuel: Play Stressbird!
It’s actually really unfair that poor Stephen Strasburg still has the “Stressbird” moniker in these here Razzball parts, but old habits and nicknames die hard. [Sidebar: Plus I went to a music festival...
View ArticleReally Thucks Noah Has A Thor Arm
As the old expression goes, you can count on three things in life, death, taxes, and Mets pitchers ruining your week/month/season with an injury of some sort. This is a slight update on the late 80's...
View ArticleYou Go, Gurriel!
Astros corner infielder Yulieski Gurriel continues to mash going 3-for-4 with 2 runs, his second home run and two RBI. Opposing pitchers be like, why you all up in my Gurriel, Yuli? When you’re on fire...
View ArticleCruel Nut God Requires Taillon Throw A Pitchout
Jameson Taillon was sidelined indefinitely as he's being treated for testicular cancer. *everyone but five girl readers cross their legs* As a man, this is up there with the scariest things that...
View ArticleAmbulance Chasers, Week 6: LeBron James, OF, CLE
This is getting out of hand! If you follow me on Twitter, you’ve seen my share my process of how I keep track of which players are getting mentioned in injury reports. By the end of Thursday night...
View ArticleCasty Freddie Blastied In Wrist
Jose Bautista is such a douche canoe. He bat-flipped after a home run that cut the Braves lead to 8-4. That's like "Pimp my Ride" with a Hyundai. That's like moonwalking at a bar mitzvah with toilet...
View ArticleDansby Swanson Serves Up Chicken Dinger
Braves rookie phenom/shortstop/TV dinner mogul Dansby Swanson was 2-for-2 last night with his fourth home run and two RBI. Daaaaaaamn, B! YES! Keep doing this. If you held onto Swanson this long...
View ArticleFanDuel: You Only Need To Be Lucky Once
Let me start this off by making one thing abundantly clear - Do Not Play Carlos Martinez in Cash. But, winning GPPs often requires the cliched attitude of “go big or go home”. Carlos Martinez offers...
View ArticleSpringer Rounds For ‘Strosies, Pocket Full Of Dongs
The Astros exploded for 17 runs yesterday, and it was the second game in the last three where they scored at least 16 runs. Twins pitching, "Hold my beer..." Am I doing that right? The hero of the...
View ArticleMatt Davidson Hosts “Homerwood Squares”
After homering in his fourth straight game, Matt Davidson (2-for-4, 2 runs) is halfway to Dale Long's record of home runs in eight straight games. A record I didn't think would ever be matched, aside...
View ArticleNelson Makes Nelfather Proud On His Day
Happy Father's Day to all but five of our readers. I am not a father, but I have a dog I ignore most of the time, then play catch with after my wife tells me to, so, technically, I am a father too....
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